literature

Mutual Nightmares

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Okay okay okay, don't panic don't panic! Think, Fluttershy. Where are you going? She had really just flown off to avoid Rarity's and Pinkie's disappointed looks. She was an awful, awful pony. How could she hurt her friends like that? How could she- No! No time for guilt, Fluttershy! You've caused this mess and you're gonna fix it! she mentally psyched herself up. She forced herself to focus. Dash's house is closer and I'm already in the air. So I'll go to her first. See, me! I've already got a plan. I can fix this, just you watch! Fluttershy couldn't restrain herself from smiling. Once upon a time, she would've panicked and been too much of a nervous wreck to fix things, but now she had found inner harmony. If she could fix herself, she could fix this thing with Dash, right? Despite her best efforts a little self doubt rose up again just as she arrived at Dash's house.

She landed, trotted up to the door, took a single large breath, and knocked. She considered speaking, but Dash might just lock the door or fly off if she heard the pony who had hurt her so. Instead, she waited for Dash to answer, or at least offer a "Who is it?", but there was not a single sound. A few minutes passed. Maybe Pinkie and Rarity were wrong. Maybe Dash isn't here. This left her with three choices. One, barge in anyway and check to make sure. But if Dash wasn't there and she came home to see her house had been entered without permission, or worse, caught Fluttershy in her house without permission, it would strain their friendship even more. Two, she could just give up, try again later. This idea she instantly shot down. She was not going to leave Dash wallowing in.... whatever ponies are supposed to wallow in. She had one last idea. She could make it known that Fluttershy was at the door. Hopefully, Dash would make some noise at that, or even better, try flying off, leaving her house. Then Fluttershy could catch up to her, talk it out, and yay, happy ending. It wouldn't be easy, catching Equestria's fastest flyer, but Fluttershy could fly pretty fast when she had to. She already caught Dash once when Discord had turned her disloyal. How hard could it be to do it again?

She took another big breath, and mentally readied herself. Finally, she spoke. "Dash?" she asked, extending her voice and neck upward to her bedroom. "We need to talk. Well, I mean, that's kinda obvious, considering what I did, but it's true! I'm really, really sorry! I didn't mean any of it! Please, I want to fix this!" A few moments passed, but Fluttershy heard shuffling inside the house. She prepared herself. Dash was probably going to take off any moment. She hunched her legs and extended her wings upward, eyes moving every direction to survey which areas Dash may fly from. Dash had every right to be angry with her, to never want to see her again, but Fluttershy had to fix this. She had to at least let Dash know she was sorry. If Dash still hated her, well, she wouldn't blame her. Her thoughts were broken by the sound of the door opening. Fluttershy was taken off guard. Of all the possibilities, she hadn't expected Dash to open the door for her. She awkwardly shuffled her way out of her current position and looked at Dash. She had obviously seen better days.

Her posture was hunched, not at all like her usual laid-back, cool way of holding herself. She seemed weighed down by something. Dash's eyes were lacking their usual energy, and her ever-present smirk was gone, the edges of her mouth brought downward. This was wrong. Dash should have that passion, that fire always raging inside her. She should be incensed that Fluttershy was here. She should be loading off on her. Instead, she lifted up her right wing and said in a dark tone, "Get in." Dash turned back inside, and Fluttershy slowly followed. Dash sat down on her couch, and Fluttershy did the same. There was an awkward silence. Dash was looking down at the floor, refusing to look her in the eye. Fluttershy didn't know what to say. She could deal with anger, or with hate, but seeing Dash like this made her mind come up with blanks. Dash finally broke the silence.

"Yes you did," Dash said, still facing downward.

"What?" Fluttershy asked, confused.

"You said you didn't mean what you said. But you did. You meant every word. And you-you were right," she darkly chuckled. "Right about every last word, 'Shy. Only a week after I became the Element of Loyalty, I tried to hog Gala tickets for myself. I almost got pets killed for my stupid pride. And G!" Dash exclaimed, voice cracking, finally raising her head to Fluttershy. "I don't even know where she is, 'Shy! Back in Flight School, she was the only one there for me. It was me and her against the world. She would beat down anypony who'd mess with me. She'd avoid the sappy stuff when I was down and just give me a tough love pep talk. She got me, y'know? And I was there for her too, because, y'know, Griffons aren't the most popular students at Equestrian schools. Most ponies avoided her to hang out with "normal" ponies," she spat, punctuating the sentence with her hooves. "Not me. I thought she was so cool, so new and unique and edgy. Not at all like all the other posers at Flight Camp. She kept it real. I think she always wondered if I'd just drop her once I found cool enough pony friends. After graduation, we hadn't seen each other for a long time and when she visited, what did she find? 5 ponies who had become my best friends in weeks, who I already had deep bonds and adventures with that G could never experience.  Maybe she didn't want to lose me. Or maybe she really was just a jealous bitch. But I never gave her  the chance to show she wasn't," she choked out.

"Dash-" Fluttershy started, wanting to comfort her. She never meant to put her through such turmoil. But Dash interrupted her, brushing aside her attempt.

"No. I'm not done yet." She took some deep breaths to steady herself before continuing. "But even that's not my biggest regret, 'Shy. It's pretty close to the top, but it's not my biggest regret. It happened the day I got my Cutie Mark." Fluttershy's eyes widened. Does she mean? "Some bullies, the same bullies who made my life hell, were bullying this sweet, shy pony. I hated those guys, but that's one part of your rant you got wrong, 'Shy. It wasn't about the vendetta I had with them. Not at first. It was because those bullies got away with everything, and no other freakin' pony at that lameo school did anything. And you got it the worst, 'Shy. Just like me before I got tough. They'd do that stupid schoolyard taunt crap when the only reason you couldn't fly was because those ponies got their kicks off of judging others." Fluttershy remembered that taunt well. Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Fluttershy can hardly fly.... "And the worst part is nobody did a thing to stop it. Even ponies who weren't taunting you let it slide, myself included.  And then I saw you, getting teased by those dummies and I just thought 'No more!'" Fluttershy was touched. She really did race to defend my honor....

"'Course, we both know what happened next. I was so intent on beating these guys, on showing them that they can't just bully whoever they wanted to anymore, that I didn't notice that the very pony I was trying to help was falling to her death.... because of me. Because I went too fast, and because I didn't notice it. When I heard what happened, I was horrified. I just couldn't stop thinking about what could've happened."

Fluttershy was silent, processing what Dash had said. If that was the case, then- "Why?"

"What?" Dash was thrown off by the question.

"If you were so regretful, if you were so horrified about what happened, why didn't you tell me? I was affected too! I had nightmares, still have nightmares, about what could've happened! I was alone! Nopony to comfort me, and the pony I thought was so cool and noble didn't even check on me!" Fluttershy let the feelings out, tears starting to flow. Bottling them in resulted in Fluttercruel, and in this moment when Dash was being so open, she had to do the same. These feelings had to be aired out if they wanted to rebuild their friendship. "Why-"

"BECAUSE I WAS ASHAMED!" Dash screamed, pointing at Fluttershy. They both recoiled at how loud she was. Dash calmed herself. "Because I was ashamed," she repeated. "Because I hated myself for that, and I thought you did too, that you never wanted to see me again. That if I came up to you with nothing but an apology, it'd be a slap to the face for you." There was silence, then, "If it's worth anything, 'Shy, I have nightmares about that day too. About an innocent pony dying because I was too self-absorbed to see it. They got worse once we became friends, because now, I know you're the one of the coolest ponies I've ever known, and definitely the kindest, and I keep thinking I could've taken that from the world and would've never gotten to know one of my best friends and I'm sorry, Fluttershy, so sorry, and-" Dash was breaking down now, her words devolving into sobs, she covered her face in her hooves. And in that moment, seeing Dash just as haunted by that day as she was, Fluttershy knew what to do. She scooted along the couch and up to Dash, and she held her.

"Dash, it's okay." Her voice adopted a motherly tone. "Look at me Dash," she commanded, lifting her head up. "I forgive you," she said, with as much sincerity and resolve as she could. And she meant it. She really meant it, and she knew Dash could see it in her eyes. And when Dash's face brightened up, just a little, and her face curved up into a relived smile, Dash looked just like a child who now knew that her parents would always love her, no matter what she did. Few things warmed her heart as much as that face did, and she knew then and there everything was okay, that they were okay.

"T-thank you," Dash choked out before falling back into Fluttershy's chest.

"No, thank you, Dash. You are the loyalest pony ever," she encouraged soothingly. "Your heart was in the right place that day, Dash. You meant to help me, and you just got lost in your world. I do the same thing with my talent. Everything just disappears when I'm with my animals. And why did you do the second Sonic Rainboom, despite all your fear? Because Rarity was in danger. And who was the first through that door when we thought Celestia was going to banish Twilight? You were. Even when Discord corrupted you, you had to choose between being loyal to your friends and being loyal to your home. That was the only way he could get to you, Dash. Nopony can blame you for struggling sometimes. You're not the only one to. Just look at me!" she chuckled. Fluttershy knew she had said enough, and allowed the rest of the moment to pass in silence, happy to hold Dash for as long as she needed.

Finally, Dash seemed okay, bringing her face out. With a final sniffle, she was back to normal.. A beat passed. "Don't tell anypony I broke down and cried in your chest like a filly. I'm supposed to be against the uncool sappy stuff. Would totally ruin my street cred." Fluttershy couldn't help it. The first thing Dash says after an emotional ordeal like that is worry over her 'street cred'? She tried to push it down, but it bubbled to the surface.

Fluttershy laughed. She laughed hard. Thankfully, Dash didn't take offense, joining right in with the hearty laughter. It wasn't even that funny, but after the tense emotional hurricane just minutes ago, well, it was a sweet release. Finally, it died down, and they just smiled at each other.

"I won't, Dash. This is ours." Dash gave her one of her few earnest, true smiles so rarely seen outside their circle of friends instead of the smirk or fake smiles everypony else sees, and in that moment, Fluttershy knew that their friendship would become even stronger today, that they both understood each other better than before.  And these moments? For all of the secrets let out and tears shed, seeing Dash's real smile and laughing uncontrollably together at something barely entertaining made up for it in spades, and she wouldn't trade them for anything. Fluttershy smiled to herself. Dash got to ruin the last moment; now it's my turn! "Besides, I wouldn't want to destroy that huge amount of street cred you have. I mean, with that rainbow mane of yours, I bet all the ponies on the streets are intimitated by you," she teased, nudging Dash with her shoulder.

Dash mock gasped. "So Little Miss Kindness has some bite left in her after all, eh? I'll fix that!" Before Fluttershy could ask what that meant, Dash was off in a flash up her stairs, leaving a puzzled Fluttershy behind. Dash came streaking back in only a few seconds(if Fluttershy had to estimate how much seconds, she'd wager ten seconds flat) with two pillows in her forelegs. She threw one down at Fluttershy's feet. She adopted what Fluttershy assumed to be a Neighpanese accent, which apparently to Dash meant talking fast, deepening her voice, and making random noises. "Despite our reconciliation, the fact remains that you have insulted my honor! We must resolve this in the most honorable of ways. A pillow fight!!!!!! HOOO HAH HOOOOOOOO!" she exclaimed, adopting several poses along the way. Fluttershy giggled.

"Have you been reading Twilight's manga collection?" Suddenly, she remembered. Twilight! She still had to fix that! But Dash was so excited, and Fluttershy was having so much fun. Twilight could wait a little longer, couldn't she?

Oblivious to what Fluttershy was thinking, Dash blushed and answered, "Maybe. They're really good! But you have not answered my challenge! What say you?!"?

Looking into Dash's eager, childish eyes, Fluttershy decided Twilight wouldn't mind. She spun herself to stand on her back legs, grabbing the pillow along the way(which made her really dizzy, but points for style, right?) and facing Dash with a determined look plastered on her face. "I accept. Prepare for your imminent defeat. Hoo hah hoooooo," she pitifully yelled.

Dash smirked. "You're gonna challenge me like that?

Fluttershy merely replied, "Speak softly and carry a big pillow."

"Ah, your wisdom makes up for your quietness. Nonetheless, have at you!" she exclaimed, as they both jumped up and hit each other. We've had a bad day. We both need this. It's not like Twilight's and Spike's situation can get worse, right?
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